A Night To Regret…..
Today is Monday the following day after a weekend away in Sofia with my girlies. A wonderful weekend to be honest, there was food enjoyment, much, the whole lot. There was also a white man which is my unusual vice and I fell through. Ill explain. The last time I’ve experienced any sort of intimacy with a guy was late 2019 and currently is 2021 so sis has been sexually frustrated and starved of intimacy and affection from the XY species for a bit. This led me to make a mistake but not exactly a mistake with this guy. Lets call him K. I saw K and I was interested because why not? I was in a different city here for fun and to jaiye, so I though ara go on yah. Hm. for the first time I let a male touch me upon first meeting. Obviously I regret it that’
s why im here. I just wish I didnt although I enjoyed and had a fun time. Going over the weekend in my head I just remember aspects where this lil dick nigga pissed me OFF. Firstly after I was done flirting with him, I walked away, he followed. Typical, thats whatever. Secondly him asking me to go somewhere quiet so we can t a l k . Bro if I just now slap your face anyhow. At least I know some more nonsense tactics these losers use to pick up women. Next time Im saying no, because what do we need to talk about, its never that deep. The fact that im actually nice to these XY people then they say stupid shit like this that makes me apathetic and now unkind to them. You made me like this! Any who something else I didnt like was how persistent he wasnt. I told him I wasn’t going to have sex with him in clear audible English. He said he respects that. I think he said the word respect a total of 60 times within a 20 min span. He loved to throw out buzzword and phrases that he thought women would love to hear like self-respect, self-worth and all that other shit. I want these men to know, that im not a fucking toolshed. I am so aware of the bullshit you lot spew to get as far as you can with a woman.
I truly believe if I was really disgusted by this guy I would have left but I wanted to get my fill. I am currently disgusted and it felt wonderful to wash him off me. I just wanted a fun positive sexual experience. All I did to him was kiss him to be fair and my pleasure was the centre of the experience which we love to see! I still don’t want to do anything that quickly with some horny loser I don’t know but there’s a first time for everything, right?
Even after I told K I’m not going to have sex with him, this fool thought it was a suggestion? Like bro there isnt going to be any penetration in this nation, what aren’t you getting you dense piece of lead? He thought aggression was sexy but it was scary and annoying, like you look desperate babe you need take it down several notches. Also telling me some stupid story about your heartbreak trying to justify the fact that you’re a good guy. I dont care if you saved a kitten from a tree, I judging you based on the actions I’ve seen towards me and I don’t like them nor you. Man when you’re horny you do stupid things. Okay you got your heart broken, what does that have to do with me? Do men think all women are these creatures bursting with emotion and we’re so freaking empathetic and you can emotionally manipulate your way into some pu$$y? Nigga I’ll kill you, fuck outta here with that bullshit. See what I mean by they make me harden and put up walls. I can try to be nice to these fools but they make it ever so hard. Loser behaviour. Also laughing at everything I say isn’t going to make me fuck you, neither is grabbing me. This boy was 6'3, 5'4 me doesn’t want to be grabbed my a telephone pole damnit.
Can you believe I left this guy to go back to my girlies and as I was chilling he was leaving. He came over to open to stupid mouth to suggest ‘ after party at his’. Multiple times he suggested we go to his place.TO DO WHAT? I asked him would it make sense for a girl to go to a city she doesn’t live in and follow a strange boy she just met back to his place. HE AGREED it would be fucking psycho. So why are you still finding courage to ask me to come to yours. Is it mental illness? Ive told you multiple times what this is and it seems you’re clinically deaf and dumb. Not him looking offended after I disrespectfully told you no in the most blatant way possible you raisin.
Anyways I got my fill, I just needed to rant and I’m also promising myself to never let my clit think for me. I feel easy and ‘cheap’ I guess but thats due to internalised misogyny and patriarchal tellings that have made me believe that no one wants to eat off a used plate. Im not a fucking plate nor has my worth decreased. I am literally a whole amazing functional being. This experience takes nothing away from who I am. I am wonderfully great, beautiful, I am loved, even if i decide to fuck on the first meeting its my choice and I’m still the baddest bitch.
I need to be more cut throat with these men. I feel like I’m always too kind to these men but my previous encounters would say and have said different. The words straightforward and ‘savage’ have been used to describe me. I want that. All of it. I don’t want/need you people to think I’m nice. I’m just a sex object for your pleasure in your dutty eyes so me treating you with respect is non of my business. Ill hopefully meet some more men who aren’t disgusting and annoying but we’ll see. Ill try. Im going to shower, thats its from me.
Im proud of not trusting these niggas and standing my ground with them but simultaneously collecting enjoyment. Its not me you can coerce into sex, I’m not a fucking yam, I am a 20 year old woman who has been sexualised since she was 12. You have to come up with new lines buddy.
Bye
